My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
