I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
