my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
