I skipped work to stalk him.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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