my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
