i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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