The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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