around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
