Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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