If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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