paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
