I wish I could punch you in the face.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
