So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
