Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
