...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
