OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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