My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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