Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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