I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
