Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
