I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Randomize
