I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
