WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
