you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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