I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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