Im at strip club and am horny
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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