Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
