she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
