My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
hell yes lets make some ravioli
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
