just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So much rum. So many feels.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
