remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
