bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
