I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
