That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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