everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
