WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This beer is not sobering me up at all
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
