u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
