Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
