dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
