Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Two words: blizzard sex
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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