I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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