you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
