She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
