I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
