dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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