We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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