Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
