Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize