Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Randomize
