judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
