Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
