Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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