its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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