I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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