your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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