he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
