I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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