Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
