dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize