Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
