maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
