remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize