If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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