I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
