How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
