Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
