i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
