You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
