More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
