it hurts more in the daytime
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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