Having a random hookup so left but love u
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
