i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize